How Christian Friendships Help Us Overcome Loneliness
In a world that delivers gold medals to online accounts with thousands of followers, have we forgotten that a friend is more than a name and face?
In a world that calls us to open one more notification and tap the like button, have we forgotten how to wave a hand in greeting and show the person next to us we like them?
So many people.
Yet so few friends.
The loneliness epidemic is not new. The year of quarantine showed us what had slowly been building. We don’t recognize our loneliness until the screen is put down, and we discover we’ve lost the art of building meaningful relationships.
What Does the Bible Say About Christian Friendship?
God ordained us for community. His words spoke the certainty that it was not good for man to be alone. The building up of the church would come through the “one anothers.”
Encourage one another (1 Thessalonians 5:11). Pray for one another (James 5:16). Correct one another (Colossians 3:16). Forgive one another (Ephesians 4:32). Serve one another (Galatians 5:13). Love one another (John 13:34).
If we see the disease and we have discovered the cure, what’s stopping us from embracing the remedy?
Vulnerability begets Christian community.
Community forges Christian friendship.
Where friendship begins to grow, loneliness loses its grip.
But it all requires time and trust to build such a thing, because let’s be honest, vulnerability is intimidating.
How to Say Goodbye to Loneliness and Build Christian Friendships
Overcoming loneliness as a Christian requires us to set down the device and see the people around us, who experience similar triumphs and trials in life to us. The ones who need someone to celebrate and cry with, just like us. It requires a genuine interest in who that person is and discovering their life story.
Little by little, as questions are asked, bonds form. We may discover similarities in upbringing, beliefs, hobbies, or vocations. We may also find differences that challenge us to consider new ways of living.
These conversations create steps along a journey that can’t be formed by a like online or a quick comment on a post from a mutual friend’s acquaintance that you haven’t spoken to in years.
Building meaningful Christian friendships requires in-person community, whether in the church pews, at an intramural sports event, or at a coffee shop.
It should be a place where people have a front row seat to your life.
And yet, this reality can evoke the fears of scrutiny, exposure, and judgement. So instead of running to the cure of friendship in community, we hide away inside our private residence never to be known.
But what if we opened our hearts to embrace friendship? What if we took the risk? Could it actually enhance our life and keep us from self-medicating with isolation?
What are the Benefits of Christian Friendship?
Friendship by definition is having harmony or goodwill with someone else.
The benefits of friendship come in various forms, but it always seeks the best in the other person.
A good friend knows all of you and still loves you.
You don’t have to put on a facade. It’s a judgement free zone.
A good friend is one who comforts you when life pins you to the ground.
They aren’t afraid of your tears or sitting with you in the pain.
A good friend cheers you on when you cross the finish line and every mile beforehand.
They’re with you for the long haul, whether it includes good moments or difficult ones.
A good friend encourages your faith and challenges you to grow.
Change happens over time and a friend can remind you how far you’ve come.
A good friend holds no records of wrong.
They forgive your sin, even when you don’t deserve it. They display Jesus’ love and grace in real time.
When Our Friendships Fail Us
Even in the best of friendships, complete satisfaction will evade us. We need a friend who will stick closer than a brother, even when our friends let us down. We need friendship with God.
Psalm 25:14 (ESV) encourages us that friendship with God is for those who fear Him.
And in his book, Friendship With God: A Path to Deeper Fellowship with the Father, Son, and Spirit, Mike McKinley reminds us that “the gift of the Spirit means that God is always present with us, just as Jesus promised (Matt 28:20). He never leaves us, he never gets separated from us, he doesn’t need to split his time between us and other believers. We will never know a moment of our lives when we are alone, without the help and strength that comes with the Spirit’s presence” (109).
What a beautiful promise to treasure.
As God’s friend, we are never alone. In our friendship with God, we can show friendship to others in the same way and remind them they are not alone, because we’re sticking by their side too.
What Can Fiction Teach Us About Friendship?
One of my favorite parts of the writing process as an author is writing a sidekick character to the main hero or heroine.
If you’ve read my stories, you’ll notice lots of characters on the page. They’re not just there for enjoyment or to get the limelight in another book in the series.
Everyone needs friends in life and the fictional world is no exception. These characters may not be center stage, but their encouragement, devotion, guidance, and words of wisdom help the main character in his or her journey.
The story progresses for better or worse in part to how these friends or “sidekick characters” support the main characters. These friends prove their loyalty. They show up in the trials, hold one another accountable, and challenge the protagonists.
As a reader, lessons shine through on how wounds from a friend can be trusted but kisses from an enemy multiple (Proverbs 27:6) and how the pleasantness of a friend comes from their heartfelt guidance (Proverbs 27:9).
What reveals itself in fiction mirrors everyday real life, and we discover how stories impact our faith and our personal life journey.
I remember the nights when a book was my only friend. When the light dimmed outside and the dark shadows illuminated a singular silhouette in the room.
I shed tears for the friends I longed for. For the isolation I experienced.
Then one day I found myself in a different room. I clasped a bouquet of flowers in my hands and smiled as my friend took deliberate steps toward her soon-to-be husband.
When that letter arrived in the mail and I read the cursive I can’t say I do without you, I squealed yes! A friendship that trusted me with their best days. A friendship that turned to me on their hard days. A friendship that asked me to stand by her and hold her accountable to the vows she would make.
This is what I had prayed for. A true friend that sticks closer than a brother.
Friends will ebb and flow in different seasons. Some will be lifelong. Some will hurt you. You’ll learn from some. You’ll make mistakes with others.
Through it all, the community and vulnerability you find will produce a spring inside your heart of joy, purpose, and love. You’ll catch a glimpse of God’s friendship toward you, and you’ll run to the One whose friendship remains with a new morning dew.
If you find yourself even now in a season of loneliness, run to Jesus. Don’t be afraid to boldly ask Him for a community of wise friends.
If you find yourself with best friends who stick close to your side, praise God, and thank those people!
In each season you enter, turn to Jesus and find a friendship that will never disappoint you.
And the next time you read a book, find the sidekick characters and consider how you can be the friend someone else needs in their everyday life story too.
For triumph,
Laura
P.S. Sometimes the family God gives us isn’t connected by blood, but forged through friendship and faith. Discover the beauty of found family in my romantic suspense novel, Rescued Duty, a story of foster care, second chances, and the people who stick with us when life gets hard.
